


the ache of in-between

by JadenGrace1



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (kind of), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Chatting & Messaging, Epistolary, Fluff and Angst, Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Adoptive Siblings, M/M, Through Space And Time: An Adashi Zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24909493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadenGrace1/pseuds/JadenGrace1
Summary: 20XX-XX-XX 04:23:17.03Garrison.LRM.Serverreceipt of message fromKerberos.Mission.ShuttleDear Adam,Wanna know how you make a space party? . . . You planet ;)Love,Takashi20XX-XX-XX 21:03:42.47Kerberos.Mission.Shuttlereceipt of message fromGarrison.LRM.ServerDear Takashi,If you plan on including a terrible pun with every single one of these messages for the entirety of the mission, I’m filing for divorce.Love,Adam~Or, sometimes Adam feels like his messages with Takashi are the only things keeping him going. Other times he thinks they're what's weighing him down.
Relationships: Adam & Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	the ache of in-between

**Author's Note:**

> Long time, no Voltron, haha. This is a fic I wrote well over a year ago now, for the Adashi zine ["Through Space and Time"](https://twitter.com/AdashiZine). The reason I'm posting it now is, to be quite honest, I'd forgotten that I hadn't posted it yet (oops).
> 
> It was written for the "Present" section and is set during the journey to Kerberos. I hope you enjoy :)

**20XX-XX-XX 04:23:17.03**

**Garrison.LRM.Server** _receipt of message from_ **Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle**

**sender** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#29061>_

**intended recipient** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**files attached** : vlog-01.mov; lunar-limericks.doc; when-the-moon-hits-ur-eye.jpeg; eat-my-shorts-buzz.jpeg; selfie-11.jpeg; matt-sneezing.jpeg;  _ and 24 more _

**subject** : are u an alien? bc boy ur out of this world

**message** :

Dear Adam,

Wanna know how you make a space party?

.

.

.

You planet ;)

Love,

Takashi

**20XX-XX-XX 21:03:42.47**

**Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle** _receipt of message from_ **Garrison.LRM.Server**

**sender** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**intended recipient** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#029061>_

**files attached** : vlog-01.mov; me-and-keith.jpeg; keith-snoring.jpeg; selfie-01.jpeg; sunset-01.jpeg; sunset-02.jpeg;  _ and 7 more _   
****

**subject** : Takashi you are the one who is literally out in space

**message** :

Dear Takashi,

If you plan on including a terrible pun with every single one of these messages for the entirety of the mission, I’m filing for divorce.

Love,

Adam

**20XX-XX-XX 11:50:02.19**

**Garrison.LRM.Server** _receipt of message from_ **Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle**

**sender** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#29061>_

**intended recipient** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**files attached** : vlog-02.mov; selfie-19.jpeg; matt-damons-house.jpeg; no-little-geen-men.jpeg; now-im-craving-MARSzipan.jpeg; memethew-holt.jpeg;  _ and 14 more _   
****

**subject** : are u made of dark matter? bc baby ur indescribable

**message** :

Dear Adam,

:’(

Also, if Commander Holt mentions one more time about how much he misses peas, I’m going throw myself out of the airlock and just jetpack my way back home.

Love,

Takashi

**20XX-XX-XX 15:37:32.29**

**Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle** _receipt of message from_ **Garrison.LRM.Server**

**sender** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**intended recipient** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#29061>_

**files attached** : vlog-02.mov; selfie-02,jpeg; dictionary-proof.jpeg; keith-glaring-01.jpeg; keith-glaring-02.jpeg; stray-dog.jpeg;  _ and 11 more _   
****

**subject** : You do realize that all of these messages are screened by the Garrison, right? That someone (probably Iverson) is reading every single one of th-

**message** :

Dear Takashi,

Apparently, there’s a character limit in the “subject” section of these messages, so here’s what the entirety of the subject was supposed to read:

“You do realize that all of these messages are screened by the Garrison, right? That someone (probably Iverson) is reading every single one of your terrible pick-up lines? Also, we’re engaged, you dork. Also also, if there’s a dictionary definition of something, you can describe it. Dark matter (n): (in some cosmological theories) nonluminous material that is postulated to exist in space and that could take any of several forms including weakly interacting particles (cold dark matter) or high-energy randomly moving particles created soon after the Big Bang (hot dark matter). Your pick-up line is invalid.”

Please don’t throw yourself out of an airlock. Keith will find out and try to do the same thing and I’ll be left to deal with the consequences.

Love,

Adam

**20XX-XX-XX 19:02:54.11**

**Garrison.LRM.Server** _receipt of message from_ **Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle**

**sender** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#29061>_

**intended recipient** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**files attached** : vlog-03.mov; selfie-23.jpeg; assteroid-limericks.doc; spacerocks.jpeg; more-spacerocks.jpeg; even-more-spacerocks.jpeg;  _ and 31 more _   
****

**subject** : i never said these pick-up lines were for you ;))) are you the sun? because i can’t keep out of your orbit

**message** :

Dear Adam,

Tell Keith that I’m unadopting him and that we are no longer brothers effective immediately. The last message he sent me was just a video file so huge that it took forever to download and I had to delete a bunch of pictures to make room for it and it turned out to be some bootleg copy of the Bee Movie except whenever they say the word “bee” it’s replaced by the entirety of the music video of Allstar by Smashmouth.

I’ll find a cool rock on Kerberos to be my new brother and he’ll have a cool name like Desmond or Annihilator.

Love, Takashi

(P.S.: the pickup lines are 100% for you and no one else and the idea of me sending them to Iverson of all people made me physically gag (no offense, sir, if you’re reading this))  
  


**20XX-XX-XX 02:43:17.45**

**Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle** _receipt of message from_ **Garrison.LRM.Server**

**sender** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**intended recipient** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#29061>_

**files attached** : vlog-03.mov; shito-the-dorito.jpeg; keith-with-shito-the-dorito.jpeg; me-and-shito-the-dorito.jpeg; sunset-04.jpeg; sunset-05.jpg;  _ and 9 more _   
****

**subject** : -____________________-

**message** :

Dear Takashi,

I am 99.98% confident that you and Matt watched the entirety of that movie and loved every second of it, don’t even try to lie to me. I know you both love those old memes.

Also, Keith wishes to inform you that he has already replaced you with a tiny cactus that sits on our counter named “Shito the Dorito”. In case you can’t tell from the attached pictures, it has a picture of you mid-sneeze taped to it as well as a single nacho cheese dorito sitting on top like a jaunty cap.

It’s my new favorite thing in our apartment.

Love,

Adam

(P.S.: I know he meant it as a joke, but from the way he looks at that little cactus I know the kid misses you nearly as much as I do. Stay safe, love.)  
  


**20XX-XX-XX 09:31:56.07**

**Garrison.LRM.Server** _receipt of message from_ **Kerberos.Mission.Shuttle**

**sender** : T. Shirogane _< user: SHIROGANE.TAKASHI.#29061>_

**intended recipient** : A. Walsh _< user: WALSH.ADAM.#29984>_

**files attached** : vlog-04.mov; ganymede-lyrics.doc; this-moon-thicc.jpeg; its-all-greek-to-me.jpeg; caught-a-mattata.jpeg; selfie-27.jpeg;  _ and 23 more _   
****

**subject** : baby, if i had a star for every time you brightened my day, i’d have a universe in my hands (watch vid before reading doc <3 xoxo)

**message** :

Dear Adam,

Watching Commander Holt experience that movie was probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life. At one point I snorted so hard I thought I was having an aneurysm.

Honestly, the thing I’m most offended about is the fact that you used a nacho cheese dorito. Everyone knows that cool ranch is the far superior flavor. Even sweet and spicy flavored would have been better than nacho cheese. I’m ashamed.

You know what my favorite thing in our apartment is? You <3.

Love,

Takashi

(P.S.: I really can’t put into words how much I miss both of you. I’ll stay as safe as I can, promise. Don’t forget to keep yourselves safe, too. I know Keith-wrangling is practically a full-time job and I can’t express how thankful I am that you’re there to watch him while I’m gone. Love you forever, babe. <3)

* * *

For a moment, Adam hovers the mouse over the attached document, one part of him wanting to open it first simply to be contrary and another part of him brimming with curiosity. The largest and most sensible part of him wins out, however, and he moves the mouse to the video file and opens it to fullscreen before pressing play.

The video starts with an empty background as usual, a blank wall of the Kerberos shuttle taking up the entirety of the monitor. There’s a shuffling sound, and then Takashi is floating into view from behind the camera. He stalls at an odd angle for a moment before using the walls around him to orient himself in a forward-facing position.

Takashi flashes that soft, beaming grin that Adam fell so hard for, and he feels his whole chest ache with longing.

_ “Hey, Adam.” _

Something uttered so delicately has no right to make him feel like he’s being gutted. He can’t help but murmur back, “Hey, Takashi,” knowing that he’ll be heard by nothing but an empty study.

The next few minutes are spent listening to his fiance recap what they’ve done the past week — gushing about the beautiful celestial objects they’ve passed, lamenting about the fact that he doesn’t get to do any fun maneuvers with the shuttle, cursing the fact that this week’s flavor of ration bars has given them all some seriously bad gas… it’s goofy and lighthearted and lifts Adam’s spirits in a way that nothing else can.

_“It was good to see Keith in your last video,”_ Takashi continues. _“It’s— seeing you two together always just… I don’t know.”_ He taps his chest with one hand, mouth twisting into a crooked smile. _“I just feel it in here, you know?”_ The smile cracks ever so slightly at the edges, and Adam feels his own heart mirror the action.

_ “It’s such a bittersweet feeling — this love for you guys that feels like it’s gonna burst out of my chest and the ache that comes with it at not being able to see you.  _ Hold _you.”_ Takashi clears his throat, looking away for a moment, and Adam watches as this digital version of his husband-to-be goes pink at the cheeks. _“Kiss you,”_ he says, oh so gently, eyes looking back to the camera from beneath dark lashes.

And for a moment — one beautiful, resplendent moment — it feels like Takashi is right there in the room with him again. Speaking to him with nothing but his deep brown eyes and the dangerous curve of his smile. Dangerous, because nothing ever has (and probably never will) be able to undo him like those lips.

Then Adam blinks, catches sight of the little timer running along the bottom of the screen, and is reminded that the man he loves is so,  _ so _ very far away — an almost incomprehensible and seemingly indomitable distance.

_“But, uh,”_ Takashi continues, drawing Adam out of his darkening thoughts. _“I… actually have a surprise for you.”_ He gives the camera a small grin before pushing himself off of one of the walls and sticking his head out of frame. _“Hey, Matt!”_

Adam tilts his head, unconsciously trying to see around a corner he logically knows is impossible for him to see. Matt’s distant reply echoes through tinny speakers.

_“Can you hand me the uke?”_ Adam might have been curious before, but now he’s truly intrigued.

As he listens to the easy back and forth between the two crewmates, he mutters to himself, “I still can’t believe you convinced them to let you bring an actual musical instrument on board.”

It had definitely been… a hassle, to say the least. But the fact that they were going to spend over a year in space, most of that time just traveling? Led for a compelling argument for their sanity’s sake. Plus, the fact that it had been  _ Takashi,  _ the Garrison golden boy, asking for the instrument definitely gave it more weight.

Finally, Adam watches as his fiance floats back into view, ukulele grasped in one hand while the other works on the straps that’ll keep him from drifting off as he plays.

_“Okay, so,”_ Takashi starts. Adam leans forward in his seat, looking at the screen intently.

_“I—”_ A pause, and Takashi drums his fingers on the instrument a few times before scratching behind his ear. _“I kind of wrote you a song?”_ The way he turns it into a question confuses Adam since Takashi has written him songs before — cutesy little tunes with silly rhymes that always managed to make Adam feel like a boy filled with helium, moments away from drifting off into sappy, cotton-candy skies.

_“Like, an actual song. Not a dumb limerick about random asteroids in space. It’s a little more serious, I guess,”_ he finishes with a shrug. _“But… well, you’ll see.”_ He clears his throat and quietly begins to strum a chord with a slow, gentle beat.

Adam’s entire existence narrows to the recording of a man on a screen, and when that man starts singing, he thinks that this is what sailors trapped by a siren’s song must feel like — like time and space no longer exist; like his soul is being called to and pulled out and  _ cradled _ .

Takashi’s voice is like honey, smooth and sweet, and though his fingers fumble a few times as he transitions between chords, Adam is struck breathless by the earnestness of it all. And then the chorus hits, and tears begin to trek down Adam’s cheeks without his permission, mirroring the way he suddenly feels so wonderfully overwhelmed.

The song continues on through a second verse before returning to the chorus, lyrics tugging at his heartstrings much like Takashi is plucking the ukulele’s. He slows it down to a gentle, drawn-out finish before wiping his eyes, causing Adam to chuckle wetly as he wipes his own.

A heavy sigh comes through the speakers and Adam refocuses his attention to the screen.

_“God, I miss you so much. Sometimes I feel like these vlogs are the only thing holding me together.”_ Adam can only nod because that’s exactly how he feels — like these digital snapshots are the only thing keeping him from falling apart at the seams.

_ (He ignores the thought that on the dark days they’re also the thing pulling him to pieces). _

_“I love you so much, Adam,”_ Takashi continues. _“More than I can ever hope to express.”_ He curves his lips into a smile — cracked and letting some of his hope and love and guilt and light bleed out of the edges. _“Until next time, sweetheart.”_

The video ends a few moments later, frozen on the image of Takashi stretching towards the camera as he fumbles for the off switch. As filled as he had been before, Adam suddenly feels hollowed out, like an old rag wrung until the stitches are bursting and not a single drop is left. He almost doesn’t want to open all the other files attached to the email, weary and afraid of the jealousy that will surely well up inside him unbidden.  _ (He chose them over me).  _ But then he catches sight of the lone document attached, and his hand is moving the mouse before he can convince himself not to.

_ ganymede (adam’s song) _

_ all my life _

_ i’ve been reaching for the stars // they had always seemed so far _

_ now here i am _

_ flying in the skies above // but it will never be enough _

_ because oh-oh-oh, my love _

_ you’re the only star i’m looking for // the only one that i adore _

_ and oh-oh-oh my love _

_ i hate that i’m not there with you // if i could have one wish come true _

_ it would be to have // you here with me _

_ and we would dance // on ganymede _

_ or maybe waltz // on saturn’s rings _

_ doesn’t matter // much to me _

_ as long as i get to hold you in my arms _

_ and all my life _

_ i’ve had my head in outer space // had to get first in every race _

_ now here i am _

_ i have come so very far // but where i am isn’t where you are _

_ no, where i am isn’t where you are // but i promise that i’ll be back soon _

_ because oh-oh-oh, my love _

_ you’re the only star i’m looking for // the only one that i adore _

_ and oh-oh-oh my love _

_ i hate that i’m not there with you // if i could have one wish come true _

_ it would be to have // you here with me _

_ and we would dance // on ganymede _

_ or maybe waltz // on saturn’s rings _

_ doesn’t matter // much to me _

_ as long as i get to hold you in my _

_ oh-oh-oh my love _

_ as long as i get to hold you in my _

_ oh-oh-oh my love _

_ as long as i get to hold you in my arms _

He doesn’t know how long he sits there in front of his laptop, reading words until pixels blur and the lines barely look like English anymore. But eventually, his back starts to protest the position it’s been left in for too long, and his phone alerts him that he needs to go pick up Keith from the Garrison proper, and the world continues to spin on its 23.5-degree axial tilt as if he doesn’t have a black hole inside of his chest trying to consume everything he has.

He breathes in deep, breathes out.

One of the hardest things about loving Takashi Shirogane, Adam has come to learn, is that it is a study in aching — a manifesto of what it means to hold your heart in one hand and your hope in the other and never knowing how sharp those well-intentioned fingers will be as they reach out towards you once again.

**Author's Note:**

> It was very strange reading this again after so long. It feels like decades since I've been in the VLD fandom.
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments, and feel free to come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jaden_grace1/status/1276244139844100096?s=20) or [curious cat](https://curiouscat.qa/JadenGrace1)
> 
> [☼](https://ko-fi.com/jadengrace1)


End file.
